My Czarina – A Memoir of a German Shepherd

It’s been three years this month since I lost my beloved Czarina.

No matter how many dogs we may have in our lives, there will always be that ONE who sings to your heart, who knows you better than you know yourself, and whose unflinching love and loyalty makes you wonder how you ever deserved an alter-ego so dear.

I already had three pups, two Bostons & a Doberman, when Czarina came into my life. I like even numbers, so I needed a 4th pup. Working from home made it easy to care for the “kids.” I did my homework and found a breeder in my area who had a female German Shepherd available. After an interview and the meet and greet w/my Dobe, Czarina entered my life.

She was nine weeks old, and after the requisite visit to the pet store for toys and puppy food (I already had the other hand-me-downs from other dogs) we came home. I kept her separate from the other pups, and put her in the front hallway behind a gate. I ran upstairs to change clothes. Not 10 minutes later, while changing & putting things away, I happened to look down and whoa! There’s baby Czarina sitting there and looking up at me. The nine week old little imp figured out how to climb over the baby gate, climb the stairs and found me. In hindsight, it was as though she was saying to me, ‘I’ll always be at your side.’ And she was for 12 years.

Shortly after, Olympia, another German Shepherd, entered the picture, also same age as Czarina. I was warned by trainers/breeders alike, ‘don’t get two females.’ But they were wrong. The girls were inseparable. I called them my “empress and my goddess.”

And so it continued. Whenever I walked the two together, I had ~180 lbs at the end of the leashes. They were protective when they needed to be, but I could take them anywhere and not worry about their behavior.

It was only one day at a routine vet visit that I saw a side of Czarina I’d never seen before. We were in the waiting room with Czarina laying quietly at my feet observing everyone/everything. I looked out the window and saw an SUV drive up, then a man bringing in what I would term, an “out of control” dog. The dog’s owner wasn’t helping the situation as he constantly tugged and struggled with the leash to keep the dog in line.

The dog was either a Black Russian Terrier or a Giant Schnauzer. Either way, it was a big son of a gun. His antics, barking and lunging continued as the owner stood at the front desk.

Then, the dog spied Czarina and I in the sitting room. The owner was engaged in talking to the receptionist and the leash went slack. The black dog barked and charged. Czarina, all the while was watching this. As the black dog moved forward, Czarina went into lunge mode and let out a bark so loud that I think the walls shook. It was as though she was warning the other dog, “you’ll have to get through me to get to my person.” Czarina’s bark caught the attention of the black dog’s owner who quickly seized the leash and pulled him back. At that point, Czarina and I were led to an examining room and we never saw the black dog again.

Czarina was the more motherly of the two, & she showed this as two new baby Bostons were adopted into the family in 2018. Baby Allegra found her second mother in Czarina (while Olympia hid in the bathroom).

In 2020, time had caught up with Czarina, as she was suffering from inoperable IVDD, which left her incontinent with her hind legs wasting away. Her five senses were intact, and I refused to face the inevitable. I cared for her with daily baths & clean-ups, and used a harness to help her stand up and move.

Only after I saw her struggle to reach me one day, did I realize, “what have I done” and knew that it was time for me to let go and let her die with the dignity she deserved after a lifetime of love and loyalty. I was with her from prep to the end. Olympia followed 2-1/2 months later, missing her beloved sister too much.

I now have two other German Shepherds, Nabucco and Ophelia. Yes, I love them, but it’s not the same.

Czarina, Czarina, Czarina. You were my darling. Having a dog like you, made me a better person and why I truly believe that I WILL see you again some day.